Archive for the ‘Opinion’ Category

What’s wrong with this picture?

So I’ve been reading that Justin Halpern, creator of the Twitter feed @shitmydadsays, has been rewarded for his hilarious tweets with a book contract and a TV sitcom deal.

Let me get this straight.

A 28-year-old man moves back in with his elderly parents and reportedly starts tweeting his father’s more outrageous remarks. In just 73 tweets, he nets himself 750,000 followers. And now he’s up to ass in cash and success.

Taking into account the Twitter limit of 140 characters per tweet, multiplied by 73 tweets = 10,220 characters. Now let’s assume an average word length of six letters including a space or punctuation. This sonofabitch got a book contract and a TV deal as a reward for a total output of 1,701 words.

Best of all? They weren’t even his fucking words! They were his dad’s hilarious remarks.

If you ask me, his dad ought to be the one with the book contract and the TV deal.

Bitter? Me? Why do you ask?

A Remake I’d Like to See

It is an oft-repeated complaint that Hollywood is out of original ideas. This should come as no surprise, as there have been no new story ideas since we as a species first started writing things down. That said, the people working in Los Angeles have made some really questionable choices in recent years when it came to what classic films to remake. So let me help.

Listen up, Hollywood: You want to know what movie is in desperate need of a remake, and would require little new thinking on your part? Well, I’ll tell you:


It’s been 25 years.  It’s time.

The story is perfectly fine. You could simply pay the writers their fee and use the same script. No need to rewrite, it’s a period piece — you don’t have to update the slang or jokes.

One thing you need to do differently this time is the music. The one common complaint I hear from (and share with) fans of this movie is that its soundtrack is atrocious, a complete mismatch to the film. Don’t repeat this mistake: get a timeless score from Brian Tyler or David Arnold.

Casting? It’s not that difficult. Daniel Craig as Captain Etienne Navarre; Charlize Theron as Isabeau d’Anjou; and Shia LaBeouf as Phillipe Gaston.

Okay, there. I’ve done the hard part for you, Hollywood. Now go get to work. And try not to screw it up.