Keep this handy for the next time you join a drunken hotel-bar singalong with a bunch of Star Trek novelists:

TREK’S BEEN GOOD
(apologies to Joe Walsh)

I get advances, forget the price
Ain’t never earned out, they tell me it’s nice
I live in hotels, piss on the walls
I have my agent pay for it all

They say I’m crazy but I have a good time
I’m just making up clues at the scene of the crime
Trek’s been good to me so far

My book’s been stuck on page one-eighty-nine
I lost my mojo, but I don’t whine
I have a shuttle, ride in the back
I lock the doors in case I’m attacked

I write Trek novels, my fans they can’t wait
They write me e-mails, tell me I’m great
So I got me an office, book covers on the wall
Just leave a message, maybe I’ll call

Lucky I’m sane after all I’ve been through
(Everybody say “I’m cool”……”He’s cool”)
I can’t complain but sometimes I still do
Trek’s been good to me so far

I go to panels, sometimes until four
It’s hard to leave when you can’t find the door
It’s tough to handle this fandom and fame
Everybody’s so different, I haven’t changed

They say I’m lazy but it takes all my time
(Everybody say “Oh, yeah”……”Oh, yeah”)
I keep on goin’, guess I’ll never know why
Trek’s been good to me so far

Yeah, yeah, yeah